Water Droplets

I had that moment again. The moment when I am just an object. A functioning machine with no instructions and no warning labels.

I was standing there, soaking wet, just watching the water droplets sliding down my hair leading to the plunge, right at the tip, only to end up in the vast, dark, curving world of pipes. I thought about the journey of those water droplets. I wanted to change their path. I saw myself like water, I saw my life like the dark pipes. I felt myself tossing and turning, flowing faster and faster with all the other water droplets. Its so dark I can't see but I feel the pulling the pushing. There is a point when I think I can grab onto the walls of these pipes and stop for a second to catch my breath but everything I grab slips away. Even my effort echos like nails on a chalk board. I felt sad for the little droplets, because I don't want to be in these pipes anymore. I pinched one wet strand of hair and squeezed the little droplets out. I saw them fall faster. I moved my hair around so none of the drops would land on top of one another. It was more like rain in that moment. A leaky sink always drips in the same place, over and over again. But rain scatters, there are part of earth that remain untouched by water for even an hour after a storm has begun.

I snap back to reality and feel a shiver, not knowing how long I had actually been standing there under no running water. My brain told me to move, so i did and wrapped myself in a towel.

The end.

Tug of war

What am I doing? That is the one question that I toss around my head like a tennis ball. I hear the hollow bounce sound, I know what it is, but I am focused on something else. I know that thought so well, and with every bounce its the same question, and for some reason every time it is asked, I feel like I have to formulate a different answer.

Well, I'm moving.

I'm making art?

I am going with the flow.

I am freaking out.

I am sleeping now.

I am saying the wrong things.

I am making change.

I am restless.

Thats what I'm doing right?

I caught myself looking at both my blogs on the dashboard of "blogger home page". One for my fine art work and one for photography, makes sense... I was stupid to think that those two things could be separate. And here I find myself completely set-up, in a mess that I created for myself by establishing a divide. I am drawing on photographs, I am painting digitally. You would think I'd know in what blog they go in since all through seminar we've been categorizing art like its our job, when its quite the opposite really. --Paying lots of money to learn how to categorize what is strictly opinion and perception.-- But no, I am at a complete mesh point in my art where it is neither photography nor painting, however it has very limited mediums incorporated, so does is automatically become fine art?

I've been finding that a lot lately, catching myself conforming to ideas that I would much rather remain disconnected from yet aware of at the same time.

I would really like to remain curious. And really see how far down this rabbit hole I can go.

Digital paintings

I've been in a funk.

Who knew that taking photos of trash and using them as my brushes would get me out of it.

This is what I'm experimenting with for seminar, since I've been totally all over the place with what I'm doing.

Men Who Spit Yellow

This is my response to this really annoying, never ending conversation of "what is art?" and critics over conceptualizing a lot of work.

Make sure you check out...

New photos up. CHeck them out here and follow me there aswell if you'd like!

http://jennaloustudio.blogspot.com/

If I Had Wings

I've been meaning to put these up for a while. They are part of my seminar studies that I did towards the beginning. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue in this direction but these (and their details) are basically self portraits of negative feelings without the work looking "dark". I'll post my proposal at some point about them.

While clearing my head...

So I've been out of the studio for a couple weeks due to various obstacles. Falling behind in life in general however, today I went there to sit and think hoping that I would come to some kind of realization... but my thinking turned into these.

They are about the size of my hand, just to give you some kind of visual scale. They are just studies I suppose even though I don't really have a bigger idea that is suppose to span off of them. Sometimes you just have to put your brush on something and see what happens when you are feeling overwhelmed and uninspired.

If I do more of these... I might make them a little darker. They kind of have the easter egg colors going hahhaa. Not sure if I'm a huge fan of that.